[ Official Statement ]
He lifted his glasses an inch. The room agreed to everything.
The Department received this portrait through the mail slot with no return address and a faint smell of cologne. The man in it is seated like someone who has already won the argument and is waiting for you to notice.
We counted the jewelry. We stopped counting. There is a cross the size of a hand, two watches on one wrist situation, and a houndstooth coat that appears to have been woven by an accountant who loved him. His fingers hold the frames of his glasses the way a judge holds a gavel.
The lettering underneath is hand-dripped black metal, because the Department believes every man deserves a logo that looks like it could end a marriage. Put it on the back of a white tee. Walk away from people slowly. Let them wonder what he knows.
[ Specifications ]
Specifications
- Portrait with dripping black lettering, centered on the back
- Shirt
- White tee
- Jewelry
- All of it. Do not ask where.
- Gaze
- Direct. Slightly amused.
[ Testimonials ]
Citizens Have Said Things
Every testimonial below was written by the Department.
★★★★★
I wore it to dinner. The check came with a handwritten note that said "of course." I do not know what it meant.
A waiter
★★★★★
Three coworkers adjusted their glasses at me in the elevator. I think it was a salute.
Sandra, HR
★★★★★
I am a very good coat. I am being asked to do too much.
The Tweed
[ Frequently Denied Questions ]
Frequently Denied Questions
Who is he?
He is Warlock. The Department has asked him to introduce himself. He declined with a look.
Is the necklace real?
It has been appraised by a man who would not give his name.
Does it come in black?
The lettering is black. Putting it on a black shirt would only make the lettering disappear. He prefers to be seen.
[ Final Notice ]
Buy the Warlock. The Department will know.
Back to the order formWearing this garment does not grant you his confidence. It grants you the posture, and a little of the cologne.
[ More Supplies ]