[ Official Statement ]
She has a slushie, a bag of chips, and nowhere she has to be.
The Department located her outside a gas station at 2 a.m., which is where the Department finds most of its best people. She was holding a red slushie like a trophy and a bag of chips like a baby, and she gave us a look that said we were the ones who were late.
Everything about her is a decision. The leopard bag with the bat charm. The sunglasses pushed up into the scrunchie for later. The sweatpants that have been through things and have no regrets. She is not trying to impress you. She has already seen you.
We put her on the back of a white tee at full size so she can do for you what she does for everyone: make the whole room feel slightly underdressed. Wear it to anything. Eat something while you do.
[ Specifications ]
Specifications
- Full-color character, large, centered on the back
- Shirt
- White tee
- Includes
- Slushie, chips, attitude
[ Testimonials ]
Citizens Have Said Things
Every testimonial below was written by the Department.
★★★★★
Someone wore this in and I gave them the good napkins. I do not know why.
A cashier, 2 a.m.
★★★★★
My cousin saw the shirt and said "that is literally me" and nobody argued.
Tina
★★★★★
I am a very good slushie. I am being carried like a scepter. I accept this.
The Slushie
[ Frequently Denied Questions ]
Frequently Denied Questions
Is she a vampire?
She is on her break. Ask her after.
Is the cigarette real?
It is a drawing. The Department does not endorse it. She does not care.
Can I get the sweatpants?
They are not for sale. They have a history.
[ Final Notice ]
Buy the Juicy. The Department will know.
Back to the order formWearing this garment does not make you juicy. It makes you the kind of person who knows what juicy means.
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