[ Official Statement ]
Small on the chest. Absolutely enormous in spirit.
He does not rush. He has never rushed. He rolls into every room with a basket full of snacks, a stack of bills, a podcast microphone on a boom arm, and a sword he has not explained to anyone. He holds a red can like it owes him an apology.
We kept this one small on purpose. A patch over the heart, the size of a coaster, so that the full loadout only shows up when someone leans in. Most people will not lean in. The ones who do will want to know about the sword.
Wear it on a white tee. Say nothing. If someone asks what is going on over your heart, tell them he has places to be and he will get there when he gets there.
[ Specifications ]
Specifications
- Small full-color patch over the heart, about 5 inches wide
- Shirt
- White tee
- Loadout
- Mic, sword, cash, snacks. Not included in the shipment.
[ Testimonials ]
Citizens Have Said Things
Every testimonial below was written by the Department.
★★★★★
Everyone leaned in to read my chest and then stood three feet back. Perfect.
A guy at the airport
★★★★★
I wore it to record. The listeners could hear the shirt. I do not know how.
Marcus, podcaster
★★★★★
I would like to be mentioned in the description. Thank you.
The Sword
[ Frequently Denied Questions ]
Frequently Denied Questions
Why is the print so small?
The big version is for people who have already made peace with everything. This is the gateway.
Is the cash real?
It is a drawing of cash. The Department is a tee shirt company.
Does the sword come off?
The sword is not available for purchase or comment.
[ Final Notice ]
Buy the Cruiser. The Department will know.
Back to the order formThe Department takes no responsibility for what the microphone has heard.
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