[ Official Statement ]
I see everything and it hurts. Now it has a hood.
Every building has a camera. Every camera has a feed. Every feed has a man in a small room who has watched the same corridor for nine years and has started to feel things about it.
The camera on this hoodie is that man, in his purest form. It leaks. It cries into a chest-high puddle that is, by Department estimate, about forty percent oil. It has seen your parking, your lunch, and the way you checked your own reflection in the elevator.
Black heavyweight fleece, hood included, for the cold corridors it watches all night. Put it on and walk through anything with a ceiling. You will feel watched. This is correct. This is the garment working.
[ Specifications ]
Specifications
- Crying camera, large on the back, small on the chest
- Garment
- Black heavyweight fleece hoodie
- Sizes
- S to 5XL
- Made
- Printed to order, ships in 1 to 2 weeks, US only
- Tears
- Waterproof. Not consolable.
[ Testimonials ]
Citizens Have Said Things
Every testimonial below was written by the Department.
★★★★★
I wore it on a double. Hood up, camera on my back. The cameras on the wall looked away first.
Night guard, Lot C
★★★★★
Please stop wearing me. I am trying to be left alone.
Camera 3
★★★★★
I am the only blind spot in the building.
The Hood
[ Frequently Denied Questions ]
Frequently Denied Questions
Why is it crying?
It saw you. That is all we are prepared to say.
Does the camera record?
Only feelings, and we cannot get them back out.
Is it warm?
Warm enough for nine years in a small room watching one corridor.
[ Final Notice ]
Buy the Seent That. The Department will know.
Back to the order formThis garment is not a security device. The hood is not a disguise. The Department will not review footage of your commute, however much you ask.
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