[ Official Statement ]
I see everything and it hurts.
Every building has a camera. Every camera has a feed. Every feed has a man in a small room who has watched the same corridor for nine years and has started to feel things about it.
The camera on this shirt is that man, in his purest form. It leaks. It cries into a chest-high puddle that is, by Department estimate, about forty percent oil. It has seen your parking, your lunch, and the way you checked your own reflection in the elevator.
Put it on and walk through anything with a ceiling. You will feel watched. This is correct. This is the garment working.
[ Specifications ]
Specifications
- Crying camera, large on the back, small on the chest
- Shirt
- Black, heavy cotton
- Sizes
- S to 2XL
- Made
- Printed to order, ships in 1 to 2 weeks, US only
- Tears
- Waterproof. Not consolable.
[ Testimonials ]
Citizens Have Said Things
Every testimonial below was written by the Department.
★★★★★
A man at the gas station said "that is a good shirt" and walked out without paying. I understood him.
Night guard, Lot C
★★★★★
Please stop wearing me. I am trying to be left alone.
Camera 3
★★★★★
My wife says she can feel it looking at her from the closet. Five stars.
Greg
[ Frequently Denied Questions ]
Frequently Denied Questions
Why is it crying?
It saw you. That is all we are prepared to say.
Does the camera record?
Only feelings, and we cannot get them back out.
Can I wear it to a bank?
You can wear it anywhere. It will not make the security staff feel better.
[ Final Notice ]
Buy the Seent That. The Department will know.
Back to the order formThis garment is not a security device. The Department will not review footage of your commute, however much you ask.
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