[ Official Statement ]
Your grudge is important to us. Please remain on the line. Hood up.
This is the Department hotline. All agents are assisting other citizens. Your wait time is currently: yes. The skeleton on this hoodie has been holding since before we opened, and he is, frankly, handling it better than you would.
We drew the hand ourselves. Twenty-seven small bones, each one of them patient. The phone is a rotary model because the Department believes in the old systems, the ones that took five seconds to dial a number and a lifetime to be put through.
Sand-colored fleece, hood included, because a hold this long needs layers. Wear it in a room where someone owes you an answer. Do not speak. Let the hoodie put them on hold.
[ Specifications ]
Specifications
- Skeleton hand and phone, front and back
- Garment
- Sand heavyweight fleece hoodie
- Sizes
- S to 3XL
- Made
- Printed to order, ships in 1 to 2 weeks, US only
- Hold music
- Not included. You will hear it anyway.
[ Testimonials ]
Citizens Have Said Things
Every testimonial below was written by the Department.
★★★★★
I wore it to the DMV. They called my number early. Nobody has ever done that. I think they were scared.
Rhonda, 40 minutes in
★★★★★
Still here. Warmer now.
The Skeleton
★★★★★
I muffle the hold music. Slightly. It finds a way.
The Hood
[ Frequently Denied Questions ]
Frequently Denied Questions
Is the hold music on the hoodie?
No. We tried. The music is thirty-one seconds of the same four notes and it made the printer cry.
Will I be connected?
Your call is very important to us. That is not a yes.
Is it warm?
Warm enough to wait out the whole queue. He would know.
[ Final Notice ]
Buy the Please Hold. The Department will know.
Back to the order formDepartment hotline hours are Tuesday, from nine to nine-oh-one. Calls may be recorded, replayed, and framed. Hoods may be raised at any point in the call.
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