[ Official Statement ]
Your number was called. He has not looked up.
Every office has a room like this one. Four windows, three open, one with a sign that says BACK IN 15 and has said so since spring. The clerks are tired. The line is longer than the building. A man in the front row has stopped asking what number they are on.
The Department keeps one record of the room as it really is, and this is it. A gothic sky above the counter, the numbers hanging like verdicts, and a long-haired citizen slumped in the plastic chair with a phone and an energy drink, processed for hours and unbothered by all of it.
We printed it large across the chest of a black hoodie, so the black of the garment becomes the black of the room. The lettering drips. The barcode is real. Hood up when they call your number. They will not call your number.
[ Specifications ]
Specifications
- Full-color artwork, large, centered on the chest
- Garment
- Heavyweight fleece hoodie, black
- Sizes
- S to 2XL
- Wait time
- Unknown
[ Testimonials ]
Citizens Have Said Things
Every testimonial below was written by the Department.
★★★★★
A customer wore it to my counter. We looked at each other. I stamped his form without reading it.
Ray, window 3
★★★★★
I have held that man for six hours. I would like a word with whoever made this.
A seat in Row C
★★★★★
I have been lit since Tuesday. Nobody has changed my bulb. I look amazing here.
Number 4
[ Frequently Denied Questions ]
Frequently Denied Questions
What does the lettering say?
It says what the room says. It is just louder.
Why is the background black?
It is the garment. The print stops where the hoodie starts, and so does the line.
Is the barcode real?
It is a number. The Department has not told us whose.
[ Final Notice ]
Buy the Processed. The Department will know.
Back to the order formThe Department takes no responsibility for hoods put up at actual government offices. They are watching. They have always been watching. They are on break.
[ More Supplies ]